Me and GOD

This is not a religious take on GOD existence nor is this, some sort of intellectual declaration abt HIS presence.... This blog is going to be about my practical take on HIM, more abt how i want to see HIM, or How i should perceive HIM, if i  ever feel like finding HIM..
You know what i think abt GOD?  I think He is overcrowded... He is sooo full of requests... that He cant hear me or hear many of us... I feel pity for HIM. But then there are so many of us and just ONE man there.. alone...In the given scenario, some of us have to take our own responsibility and ease the load on Him... Spares Him.. spares us as well ( from the dejection and dissapointment) ... it may even feel liberating ....right now, i feel like that. of course, tinging the thought is another thought that by letting HIM go free, we may cast our own doom.. our dreams , for which we have dreamt and fought for soooooo long, might not come true, and even though right now, we smile.. but soon the demons will appear and destroy us ,curse us to hell for letting things go...
But u know wat GOD, i understand now... i understand that every time, i was being destroyed , i cried and screamed for YOU, because  i thought  i was to be saved.. like...like its part of some plan or maybe i was trying to ....escape from my fate by doing good things and following everything ... literally everything right that was to be done... But i understand now, i wasnt the ONE..... in fact, im surprised i havent seen it earlier.. ( maybe i didnt wanted to see it) and see the irony, ppl tell me to dont lose hope and keep the hope alive....BUT this time, when i remove the hope from the thought to be saved.. itssssss alll PLANE here... WHITE...
I realised one more thing, that i love myself more than my dreams and than YOU... for it feels right. I dont hate you, GOD.. but if u have got no time, and i have to do on my own.. i have to make my own rules and follow them...aint?  So,no hard feeling
i already once left my path and tried to follow UR RULES... im not doing it again...

So, heres the bottomline... im not mad at you or myself. I know YOU are here somewhere, but dont want me to see YOU. From, now on, instead of getting mad, i will try to respect that.

Comic Con-An important day

Comic Con

Today,08th feb, 2013, i went to comic con. I wanted one or two of my friends to come, but they didnt came. In the morning, i was pretty excited abt it, but as the day progressed, i cud almost predict, even when i didnt wanted to, that ppl and things will try to spoil my mood and try to take away my moment.Anyways I toiled on and my prediction was coming to reality. In evening, boss kept me waiting well past my regular office time, knowingly or unknowlingly, most likely unknowningly since i purposefully didnt tell him, but watever, to spoil it. Still, i tried to slip away and somehow, i went ahead to the event, to get wat i wanted. I roamed there, bought books, tried to have fun, and afterwards, had some good snacks as well. But as i started my walk towards the bus stop, carrying all my "riches from the event", i felt a void in myself,something deep , something yellow,dull and but lil painful, like a smoldered golden pot. I realised i came here, did what i had to do, still im leaving a lonely man. The shops beside me had started to wrap up things, light were blurring and here i was, going home with my head bowed down. It was coming to me now. I have... come far away and lost it.... long ago. My friends, my people. A half smile appears and then dissppears in a flash, ..while i keep walking towards the bus stop. I wanted to share my little event, and wanted just few smiles, few basic words, maybe :/ ... something to remembee the evening by. That's wat was missing. Anyways, The bus came and i boarded it.As i managed to get a seat, i remembered though that i have tried. I have tried to accomodate them in my life, i always try to include them, i have been inviting them for some time now.If they dont want to come, no more. The enormity of just me in my life, suddenly hit mt with hard force, but i could see things better now. I remembered few lines of a famous folk song here"Jodi tor daak sune keu na aase, tobe ekla cholo re"..." If on your call, nobody comes forward, then go on, walk alone". I have tried to look the other way for long. Its time to walk alone now. The sadness didnt go away entirely, but i could feel fitting myself a lil more, into.... me. I look down at the comics i bought today and  i smiled. It has been an expensive outing today( comics are really expensive these days!). However, i was smiling once again and looking at them(the comics, i bought), i said , " Maybe YOU are my price for freedom".... THE END