Me and GOD

This is not a religious take on GOD existence nor is this, some sort of intellectual declaration abt HIS presence.... This blog is going to be about my practical take on HIM, more abt how i want to see HIM, or How i should perceive HIM, if i  ever feel like finding HIM..
You know what i think abt GOD?  I think He is overcrowded... He is sooo full of requests... that He cant hear me or hear many of us... I feel pity for HIM. But then there are so many of us and just ONE man there.. alone...In the given scenario, some of us have to take our own responsibility and ease the load on Him... Spares Him.. spares us as well ( from the dejection and dissapointment) ... it may even feel liberating ....right now, i feel like that. of course, tinging the thought is another thought that by letting HIM go free, we may cast our own doom.. our dreams , for which we have dreamt and fought for soooooo long, might not come true, and even though right now, we smile.. but soon the demons will appear and destroy us ,curse us to hell for letting things go...
But u know wat GOD, i understand now... i understand that every time, i was being destroyed , i cried and screamed for YOU, because  i thought  i was to be saved.. like...like its part of some plan or maybe i was trying to ....escape from my fate by doing good things and following everything ... literally everything right that was to be done... But i understand now, i wasnt the ONE..... in fact, im surprised i havent seen it earlier.. ( maybe i didnt wanted to see it) and see the irony, ppl tell me to dont lose hope and keep the hope alive....BUT this time, when i remove the hope from the thought to be saved.. itssssss alll PLANE here... WHITE...
I realised one more thing, that i love myself more than my dreams and than YOU... for it feels right. I dont hate you, GOD.. but if u have got no time, and i have to do on my own.. i have to make my own rules and follow them...aint?  So,no hard feeling
i already once left my path and tried to follow UR RULES... im not doing it again...

So, heres the bottomline... im not mad at you or myself. I know YOU are here somewhere, but dont want me to see YOU. From, now on, instead of getting mad, i will try to respect that.

Comic Con-An important day

Comic Con

Today,08th feb, 2013, i went to comic con. I wanted one or two of my friends to come, but they didnt came. In the morning, i was pretty excited abt it, but as the day progressed, i cud almost predict, even when i didnt wanted to, that ppl and things will try to spoil my mood and try to take away my moment.Anyways I toiled on and my prediction was coming to reality. In evening, boss kept me waiting well past my regular office time, knowingly or unknowlingly, most likely unknowningly since i purposefully didnt tell him, but watever, to spoil it. Still, i tried to slip away and somehow, i went ahead to the event, to get wat i wanted. I roamed there, bought books, tried to have fun, and afterwards, had some good snacks as well. But as i started my walk towards the bus stop, carrying all my "riches from the event", i felt a void in myself,something deep , something yellow,dull and but lil painful, like a smoldered golden pot. I realised i came here, did what i had to do, still im leaving a lonely man. The shops beside me had started to wrap up things, light were blurring and here i was, going home with my head bowed down. It was coming to me now. I have... come far away and lost it.... long ago. My friends, my people. A half smile appears and then dissppears in a flash, ..while i keep walking towards the bus stop. I wanted to share my little event, and wanted just few smiles, few basic words, maybe :/ ... something to remembee the evening by. That's wat was missing. Anyways, The bus came and i boarded it.As i managed to get a seat, i remembered though that i have tried. I have tried to accomodate them in my life, i always try to include them, i have been inviting them for some time now.If they dont want to come, no more. The enormity of just me in my life, suddenly hit mt with hard force, but i could see things better now. I remembered few lines of a famous folk song here"Jodi tor daak sune keu na aase, tobe ekla cholo re"..." If on your call, nobody comes forward, then go on, walk alone". I have tried to look the other way for long. Its time to walk alone now. The sadness didnt go away entirely, but i could feel fitting myself a lil more, into.... me. I look down at the comics i bought today and  i smiled. It has been an expensive outing today( comics are really expensive these days!). However, i was smiling once again and looking at them(the comics, i bought), i said , " Maybe YOU are my price for freedom".... THE END

Remember this night of 1st march, 2012.. for this is the NIGHT, i danced and exulted in the Night. Tomorrow will envy this moment, for it is the night i was free and alive , singing and dancing along with the "night", with no worries. I have all i need and its comfortable here :) When i will get sad tomorrow, i will come back here and check my pockets, to find all i have is right with me. :) 

THe Good, The Bad and The Ugly

its not the good and the bad... its not very good , good and bad ... or v.good, good, bad and very bad... .
It is interesting why this term came into the existence... i dont know abt any of the historical context , but..  i believe its one's perspective, its the way when one sees things it makes sense to him.

So, why " the good , the bad and the ugly" ? Firstly, i would say that the first two terms are different from the third one. in other words, the good and the bad makes a kind of group while the third one is separate.
Here it goes: In our normal way of lives, we goes through many difficulties. i would say its not all the time painful, but its hard. We have our personal fears, our imperfections and then our interactions with other people, who are also suffering. Even if by perseverance u manage to clear all those, u still can fall. First through other people who want to hurt you and at times.... simply through bad luck., if nothing else( its most painful, if its the later, since u dont know what to do).    i SAID U CAN FALL, NOT U WILL :)

But allll of  these, i say this because i think the above is mighty lot more than simply words and thoughts, ... so alll of this, is mine or yours or a person's own. There are times when u see things that are so out of place or so rotten, that u say to urself that i dont want to make it a part of my universe. The moment u see them , u understand the difference, in that moment itself, between what u thought was ugly and what really is. You consciously make that decision and say to yourself that very clearly. You might accept the bad, as a kind of punishment for the things u did wrong.. u might say that u deserve that suffering for urself and its right in a way, but u will never accept that thing for the ugly.
So what is the good , th bad  and the ugly? The good, are all the little things that makes us smile and which we want to store so securely that at times, we even forget it is there. The Bad is the daily life, which we are still trying  to get accustomed to, the daily things which we want to go in certain way but doesnt and the things which we know is important but dont have time for. The Ugly , it is that bad that u cant handle or control. It is the things that if u thought really really seriously u know, u should protect urself and ur family from.

The funny thing however, is yesterday's ugly is today's bad  and this might continue as i move forward in life... But the spirit of standing still, the spirit of taking the brunt of the bad, fearing the ugly and smiling at the good things, although its getting fader and fader day by  day, is something that i think is Human.

P.S. Life is mostly not fair. The number of times, it makes sense to you, almost equal number of times, it WONT. Either curse the life or Enjoy the dilemma. Choice is and always have been yours.

14/2/10---- 6.15am----Base Camp

Hey!! Good Morning to the world... How are ya, everyone??? i know u didnt expected me to be here at 6.15 am, (in fact i, myself is grinning)... today is the exam day,haha... I m having  tea and maggi... and at this hour it is amazing... it feels like going out on adventure..
Last night, i didnt sleep very well... and thats one of the reasons too that im up early..
the major reason im grinning is that i know this cud be the only time of the day when im doing this... Who had seen the future right..., all i know is this moment is amazing and it wont come back.... and everything else i have resigned to the hands of God...( may sound a little stereotypical, but thats the way it should be, man)...

The weather is amazing too.
U have a great day ahead... i will try to. ... ( now is th time for action.. otherwise i wud be late.. :))
see ya!!

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!!

Dark Blue Night........

Life....  there have a number of ways of expressing it. I myself do that many times. Yes, its baffling.
Here is one more piece of wisdom...  to me( smiling) : -
Life is about good and bad... However life is also about pleasure and happiness...  and in a way , the  comparison is as stark as good and bad...  completely opposite sides of a pole. Pleasure is when things happen as u planned it , when u KNOW that u have the power to accept or reject things at the same time, .... in one line when life is under ur control......
However, we know that it doesnt happen that way...  There are times when u realise that things are out of ur reach... sometimes, that u cant control urself or control certain aspects of ur life .... when u have to accept things...... however if u can turn that moment to ur advantage( for that just be urself and keep a general lazy relaxed attitude).. u realise happiness.. u realise that the walls that are around u are not made by "shouldnt " or " couldnt" but by ur own imagination. So if u can question those walls there abt their creator, abt their wanting to be around u, u can see the solution. Its will be the voice of the Divine... Happiness..... Simply Happiness ...... and the urge to taste the moment. U will be mad at that time... High on life... not sprinting around here and there... no no... but a healthy impatience inside ur heart ... slowly and surely... urging u to move forward and take life into ur own hands.

So while pleasure is high on indulgence, happiness is high on spirit. Both are Equally Necessary, pleasure is definitely necessary . In life.... always run after pleasure, thats how it should be...running with focus keeping ur mind clear abt ur goal. However, if just in case things go wrong remember it is the will of the divine to follow him... and his voice which will clearly make itself self heard.

" Life is not mountain but its like the sea; its not abt standing alone quietly to have peace, but its abt going with the ups and downs of the wave........ u can be up , and u cud be down.. but always be   you. Keep the focus"

all right i am checking...